It's not me, it's you

I've had a frustrating few weeks.

People not honouring their promises and responsibilities. Volunteers for Positive Heroes suddenly attaching a price tag. A highly uncomfortable meeting with a professional colleague, in which I was treated disrespectfully and dismissively. A friend not standing up for me. Another turning a potentially joyful gift into an awkward discomfort. The list goes on ... the upholsterer who never quotes, the fencing guy who never pitches, the casual business colleague who mis-addresses a spiteful email and tries to fix it in a 'ha ha-oops, what I really meant was ..." follow up. I'm sure you get the picture.

And - I have smiled and gritted my teeth and made the acceptable, polite, expected response. And then I've wondered: Is it my fault? Is it me?

At gym on Tuesday I realised: it is me.

The last few minutes of a yoga class involve a headstand, a breathing exercise and a short relaxation meditation. This section lasts (tops) 10 minutes. Our yoga studio backs onto the free weights area and there is a loud thunkathunk going on - like a heavy weight hitting the wall repeatedly. The yoga teacher comes back from her foray to discover what the noise is, only to tell us that the guy who is doing it refuses to stop, was aggressive and ... well we will have to deal with it.

Only that's not possible - it gets louder and thunkier and I think 'Fuck It' - and go out. The man hurling the ball at the wall is sweating all over the floor. He pretends not to see me. So I move directly in front of him, look him in the eye and ask him sweetly if he will stop his tossing until we finish our meditation. He takes out his gumguard (who knew people wore these to gym), wipes the spit on his shirt and tells me NO. I won't bore with the whole discussion but let's just say he felt he had paid to throw the ball at the wall and didn't give a shit that twenty other people had paid to meditate inside a studio.

I had a choice at that point. To do what I have been doing these past 5 years and deal. Or to stand my ground. My tipping point. So I told him I wouldn't be moving. And if he wanted to throw the ball against the wall - then he would have to throw it at me. Because I was going to make sure 20 people got their (now) 6 mins of relaxation. He said fine - he would do just that and feinted the 5kg ball at my face. I stayed quite still and pointed out that this would be the most expensive gym lesson of his life. And he moved to throw it at me again. I stood my ground. He shifted sideways, I shifted too. Eventually another guy came over and offered to catch the ball and sweat-boy had to back down.

Enough! If you are out there just waiting to project your shitty: mood, day, life, upbringing, relationship, hangover, manners, behaviour or attitude onto me: I issue fair warning - I am not taking it any more. I will be speaking out. I will be even more frank, more blunt and more forthright than I have been in the past. It will not be my intention to act with malice or cause hurt. But I will say what needs to be said.

Not because you deserve it - but because I do.